BitterSweet are the moments when I realize my Dad isn't here. Bitter for the fact that I remember, sweet for the fact that a few moments ago, I wasn't thinking about how much he was missing or how much I missed him.
He would be 72 this year. It sounds like an incredibly old age. (Specially since I'm only 24) I guess I get the advantage of never having a Dad that was old. To me he'll always be "young"; and considering I imagine that my nephew is a lot like him (in humor and apperance) I mostly picture him as a young boy (I know...I didn't know him then, but still it's how I see him).
I think this year over any other year his birthday is harder. It might have something to do with Stellanne. Like a birthday is meant for celebrating life; and it hurts more that we don't get to. I mean surely I could go home tonight and make mince and totties (my Dad's favorite) but the pain I feel towards the fact that he isn't here to laugh at Stellanne when she does funny stuff, is worse this year.
I had planned to write a blog today about how Stellanne has super powers. No, no she can't jump a building in a single bound; and she can't stop an out of control train - but she does have the keen ability to wake up the instant that I fall asleep. Some nights are worse than others....last night was one of the worst (probably not really...but I was very mentally tired yesterday and the lack of sleep was frustrating) I guess I should be thankful; afterall I'm here with her getting to enjoy her. Something I know my Dad would have enjoyed.
I guess out of all the things I learned from him, the fact that I need to enjoy my child/children while I still can is probably the most important.