Happy Birthday to Me!

Current mood: sick

Okay so its 3 days after my birthday, but still I felt it was worth mentioning. This year we didn't do cake or ice cream, as sugar has not been mixing well with me. Lisa, my sister and my mom all went in together and bought me a fire pit for our backyard. It is beautiful, and the best part is that its exactly what I wanted, and hadn't been able to find. Alissa (my sister) put it all together and brought it over to our house. I swear she has a heart of an elephant. If you needed a shirt and all she had was the one on her, she'd give it to you. It amazes me that she can be so kind hearted. Afterall I don't think I'm even that kind hearted.

My mom also got me a rock bunny rabbit. I know that this sounds awfully reminisent of "rock pets" but its not. I'll have to take a picture and post it. Its very cute and I can't wait for our backyard to be done so he can sit out there.

From my work I got a cold. This is the first cold I've had since having gastric bypass. Not so much fun, as I don't feel like eating anything but sugarfree popcicles. It also sucks because Lisa and I have plans to get our backyard all landscaped this weekend, and I feel like crap. I know they say that I'm not supposed to be taking pills, but I am - thank goodness I'm not pregnant, I really don't know how to handle a cold without drugs.

My weightloss is going well, I'm down 34 lbs. So it seems that my weightloss is around 2 lbs a week - not to shabby. I am having a hard time eating protein shakes. They just sound gross to me and make me want to gag. I have to get over this as I know I NEED the protein. I'll try again on Monday. I have yet to go more than one day with out looking at the scale, sometimes this is good, and most of the time this is bad. Sometimes the scale doesn't move anywhere but I fit into clothes that I never could before. A lot of my clothes are hanging off of me. I have one skirt that isn't going to last much longer - if I'm rushing anywhere at work I have to hold on to my skirt so that it doesn't fall off of me. I don't need to get new clothes yet, but I think as the summer wears on that I will need to go shopping. (Goodwill here I come)

Coming Soon - The Devil wears Prada

Current mood: tired

So if I had to give you a description of my work life using a book I would use the book "The Devil Wears Prada". Not to say I don't like my job. Somedays I LOVE it. Somedays I'm positive that I am on the TV show PUNK'd. I work around so many characters - funny ones, crazy ones, nice ones, did I mention crazy ones? My worklife can be sureal - and never have I found anything that so acurately describes feelings that I have about my work than when I was reading the book "The Devil Wears Prada" (Thank you Chris!!!)

So tonight we were watching Desparate Housewives (thank you TiVo), and there it was an ad for the movie "The Devil Wears Prada". I am so excited. Mostly because I think people will read the book and then they will really know how crazy my boss can be. He's been known to send me out to get lunch for him specified down to how many sprouts he wants on his tuna sandwich (116 no more no less) and after 1 bite be done and want ice cream. I exagerate - but the truth is he has come very close to that exact senario. He won't eat chicken (not that he doesn't like the taste but he doesn't like the way they are killed) and yet he eats turkey (I think they must be killed very similarly). But it's not just about my boss, the atmosphere at my work can be crazy - like I'm the only sane person in the entire office. I BEG you please read "The Devil Wears Prada" before it comes out on Video; they always mess them up and this book is so good I didn't care when I was listening to it that I was laughing out loud on the bus.

I'm positive that the person that wrote the book knew my boss and this other person who works there (we'll call her Satan just for kicks)Let me tell you this story - so this person (who shall remain unnamed) hates me; I think it was because she freaked me out when she called me at 9pm one night "just to talk" and we weren't friends. (Hello you big FREAK - I'm madly in Love with Lisa - why are you calling me?!?!?!) at first I thought she just wanted a friend until Lisa and I went out on a double date with her; and Lisa and I both got weird vibes- so NOT cool. So I denied her my friendship - so now she hates me.

One day at work (and I promise this is a true story), she asks me what perfume I'm wearing because she is having an allergy attack from it. I tell her that unfortunately it can't be me because that morning I ran out of the house and forgot to put perfume on. She tells me shes sure its me, so I must be wearing lotion. Yet again, so sorry to dissappoint, but in my hurried rush I failed to put lotion on as well. I was positive that this would be the end of it; as I could not possibly be root of her attack. WRONG. She proceeds to have other people walk by my desk and "sniff" me to see if they can smell what she smells and is having a terrible reaction to. After all of her "spys" report a negative test result - she proceeds to "sniff" me herself. Now last time I checked - this is not the desired way to treat allergies. I've never met anyone that is allergic to cats that shoves their face into the cat to verify it is the cat that is making them break out in hives. So I again explain that I'm very sorry but I'm not wearing perfume or lotion, but I am wearing deoderant and I draw the line at not wearing deoderant because someone is "allergic" to me. She infact told everyone she had to go home because she was "allergic" to me. She is certifiably CRaZy!!!!

One last desparate plea - read the book; you'll love it. And if you feel like you are the only sane person in your office you'll be as crazy about it as I am!!!

Got my Pep back!

Current mood: Peppy

So all of a sudden I have gotten my pep back. It feels good, sleep isn't my first thought in the day. I don't think it is because I'm eating more calories, although I think I'm getting about 200 more calories per day now. I think my body is adjusting to our new way of life. I have to start excersing, there is just no way around it. I have been walking down town for about 15 minutes a day - and that is a work out, because I'm usually walking very fast to catch my bus and the direction I'm headed is uphill. But I think adding more excercise will help my body lose more weight. I'm quite impatient right now with losing weight. I want it to be all gone right now. I know that this will be a long journey, but this inital weightloss has spurred on the desire to lose more. My clothes are fitting better and better every day.

Yesterday I wore a cute jumper/skirt that I really haven't been able to wear (appropriately) in about 4 years. But now that I've lost so much of my belly the skirt was long enough to cover my butt and not show off my underwear when I mildly bend over. Today I am wearing my jeans and boy are they fitting well. They are stretch jeans and I probably should have stopped wearing them a LONG time ago. Today they look okay. I'm sure in 20 or so more pounds they will look better. Lisa and I have plans next weekend to work on our yard. I think that this is interesting; from a personal standpoint I don't think that before with my weight I would have had the energy to do the things we are talking about. I am excited to see the finished product. Our yard will look great and be perfect for BBQ's.

I know that I'm not the person doing most of the work - by far Lisa is the one that is working the hardest - she works on it when ever she has a chance, but I still feel that had I not had gastric bypass that I might not have the desire to put so much work into our yard and we wouldn't be moving at the pace that we are. Well I am off to a pool birthday party. I am wearing my bathing suit from last year and boy does it fit better. Again all of my clothes just keep looking better and better each time I put them on - it is very exciting.

New - Old clothes

Current mood: tired
So today I am wearing a blue button-up sleve-less shirt that I haven't been able to really fit into in about 3 years. This last weekend I tried on a shirt that I bought last year, I didn't try it on in the store because I was positive I'd be able to fit into that shirt, got it home and I didn't fit into it; I tried that shirt on on Saturday and it fit - and not just kinda fit, but really truely fit (no bulging). My skirts are getting loose - but nothing I can't manage. Mostly my clothes are just fitting better - gosh I hope that means I didn't look like I was busting out of my clothes before.

Yesterday was my 1 month post-op-versary. We took more pictures. You can't really tell from my clothed pictures. My half nude (in my bra and undies) pictures really show the difference. I haven't posted those on myspace. I figure not everyone will want to see them. But I have posted them on my website (that's right, I was so excited about these pictures that I actually updated our website)

http://www.geocities.com/cruzngrly

Last night I had a hard time sleeping - I woke with a lot of pain in my lower intestine. I was up for about an hour (not fun) So today I am driving into work (normally I take the bus) I honestly just don't want to go. I'd like to lay in bed all day and watch the Golden Girls. Well I'm off to work.

I didn't weight myself today

Current mood: accomplished

Oh and how hard it is. I want to peak - just something to hold me over till wednesday. I promised myself I wouldn't - so I didn't.

Tomorrow is my 1 month anniversary. Hard to believe that its been 4 weeks since I got my gastric bypass. I learn new things about my body every day. I think my biggest fear is not actually losing weight (could be why staying away from the scale is so hard). The question I get asked the most is do I miss food. I think that this is a funny question because I still eat. Smokers have it easy; if they want to stop smoking they just have to stop. People who overeat still have to eat to live. My tastes have slightly changed. Last night we had pizza and I doubt I could even finish a 1X1 inch square. Not that it tasted bad - but it really wasn't satisfying. Popcicles are my favorite thing to eat (no real change there - I've always loved popcicles) Cheese is still a weakness. Mentally I could eat tons and tons of cheese. Luckly, after a few bites my body is good and done eating. Cheese is good for me, it has protien - so I guess its good that its something I like. I have decided I HATE protein shakes. During the week I force myself to drink them. I have it for breakfast, and mid morning snack and if there is some left over I have it for a pre-lunch snack. Once it is gone I reward myself with real food. I know I need the protein - so I do this little "trick"; but it still doesn't make them taste all that good. Not that they taste all that bad. But if you HAD to drink chocolate milk everymorning that had an after-taste of chalk, you may not like chocolate milk any more. The things I do for my body.

On another subject, I think I want to learn how to roller-blade. I mean I have always wanted to learn but something about my body has always held me back. I hope that as I get thinner I will be able to master the task of moving both feet while roller blading (yes, I have issues - right now only one foot moves at a time; I've tried ice skating and pretty much I move in circles). This desire to learn was intensified today, as it is very nice outside and lots of other people are roller blading. Ahhh- someday.

One Week of Plateauing

Current mood: skinny-er

So this last week I plateaued all week. How frustrating. I think my body is just having a hard time with the rapid weightloss. I essentially lost 30 lbs in 2 weeks and on the 3rd week it said "ENOUGH". Still it was a little reminisant of when I dieted. I would be doing really really good - not change a thing and not lose one single pound. Today I jumped on the scale and I had lost 2 lbs - bringing the total to 31 lbs. THANK GOODNESS.

Everyone that I told this to this week kept saying - well you shouldn't be jumping on the scale every day. But it is very hard not to jump on the scale every day. Especially when every day for the first 2 weeks I lost weight. I am going to try very hard this week not to jump on the scale every day. I got on today, so I'm going to aim for Wednesday to be my next weigh-in day. We'll see if I have the will power to restrain myself.

Kinda on another subject, I need shorts for summer. I feel bad wanting to purchase some because in 1 or 2 months they will be too big and I will have wasted that money because at best I would wear them 2 times a week (Saturday and Sunday) The pair of shorts I have now are WAY to big. They hang down past my knees and are pulled up over my tummy (think Urkel). I am going to try to alter them and see how that goes. Hopefully I won't ruin them. I also have to get one of those plastic ring sizers as I feel that I will loose my wedding ring at any time. It is very loose on my hand and I tend to get animated when I talk. I'm not going to resize it until I am at least a year post-op. That would really be a waste of money. I am doing better with eating. I have not eaten fast since that once. Mental cravings are the worst - I am physically not hungry but I desire weird things (Ceasar Salad, Chinnese Food, Nachos, carrots with ranch, artichokes, eggplant, corn-nuts, a ham sandwich etc) Not that I couldn't really have any of these things - but it doesn't make sense to buy a table spoon of say chow-mein. Lisa and I went out to breakfast with my family yesterday and we bought one meal and didn't even finish it. It was the first time we had gone out to eat and I have to say I did really well. The only thing that concerns me is that I never feel full. And the wish center said that I could eat up to 1/2 c or until I felt full. I wonder if this is a feeling that I have and just don't recognize it yet. I try to focus a lot of my thoughts on my new stomach while I eat, but I've only had the full feeling once and I had't eaten all that much. Learning my new body is a challenge.

1st Bad Complication

Current mood: sore

Oh what a bad day! So today I had a bad complication from eating too fast. So this morning I woke up and had a cramp in my stomach. Kinda like if you sleep wrong and get a cramp in your neck - mine was in my stomach. So first you have to know that I was working on the travel plans of my boss - which has to be the hardest thing I ever have to do. To fully appreciate my hell you'd have to read the book the Devil wears Prada. My boss is the cheapest demanding person I've ever met. He wants to fly first class for free, and expects me to figure out how to get that goal accomplished!

So my day was incredibly busy making these travel arrangements - plus doing everything else that they want me to do. Another thing you need to know is that I am on a pureed food diet right now. I'll be on it until May 28th. Its not as bad as one might think - my favorite thing to eat is chicken nuggets. They taste great! I also have to get in a ton of protein while I'm losing so much weight. This is so my body will eat my fat instead of eating my muscle. So when packing my breakfast/lunch this morning I decided that the breakfast I was having (baby oatmeal mixed with milk and a fruit) didn't have enough protein. So I decided that I would eat a danish pancake (sweet egg crepe) with some sugarfree chocolate pudding. Both of which have protien. My thought since I didn't have time to puree the danish pancake was that I would chew it very throughly before swallowing. I have successfully done this "trick" before when pureeing isn't convient. So at about 10am I realize that I should eat my "breakfast". Since I don't get hungry anymore I just have to look at the clock and know when to eat. I guess I left one thing out - I don't take breaks. My boss doesn't like them (you REALLY have to read the Devil wears Prada) so I work through my lunch and all of my breaks. So I started to eat and work and I must have reverted to my pregastric bypass eating. Because all of a sudden I got this major pain on my chest (yes near my cramped muscle). It felt like an elephant was stepping on my chest. I realized that not only had I eaten too fast (4 tblspns in 6 or 7 minutes) but I don't think I pureed my food like I should have. I have never had pain this bad - keeping in mind I just got done have abdominal surgery - this was TERRIBLE pain! It did give me negative reinforcement - so I can guarantee that I won't be eating like that for a LONG time. Other than that I am doing well. Today is 3 weeks post-op. I've lost 29 lbs and I have started to feel it in my clothes. I have a skirt that I altered prior to my gastric bypass because it was too big and now the alterations aren't small enough. It is a good feeling. One more thing - a rant really. How is that people like Brittany Spears are allowed to get pregnant? CPS has been called out to her home like 3 times and her kid is only 8 months old! Just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean you should!! I guess the saying is true you can take the poor out of poor white trash people - but you can never take the white trash out of people.

3rd Day back at work

Current mood: exhausted

Today was the 3rd day I was back at work. I am still digging out from a pile of work! What's really weird is my energy level. I feel perfectly fine - but its like I just don't have enough energy. I know that it comes from only absorbing a small amount of calories - but I didn't think it would affect me this much. I did really good on drinking water today - the last few days I've had a hard time remembering to drink. Last thing I want is to end up in the hospital, just because I didn't find time to drink water. I have lost 27 lbs in these last few weeks. I am excited at the fact that my body is getting smaller. It is going a lot faster than I anticipated - but I welcome the change. One pair of my shoes are almost too big. I wore them to work today and numerous times they almost came off of my feet. My feet shrinking is exciting - I have a very cute pair of sandles that I have never really worn, just because my feet were too fat. I can't wait to wear them this summer. So far none of my clothes are too big (was I wearing my clothes too tight?) but I can see the difference in my pictures of my body (see pictures).

Well I'm exhausted and I still have 2 more days of work this week. Wish me luck!