So Stellanne has had to learn to adjust this week....and so have I. Sunday we decided that we would take away the binks. My mom and Lisa and been pushing for about a month; and for S's sake, I kept resisting. I'm still not sure why. But my rational goes something like this. Stellanne has no other security "blankets"; she doesn't hold on to a blankey, or a stuffed animal, and she doesn't suck her thumb. The one thing that has always brought her comfort is her binkie. Something that Lisa and I enforced. We called it self soothing. It is. Plain and simple it lets Stellanne soothe herself without us.
But she had become addicted. IE: if she threw the binkie on the floor of the airplane, I had to lick it off so she could have it back. Trust me, its not a good place to be.
Again, Lisa and my mom have been pushing for this for a while. Even the pediatrician said it might be time to give it up. But I felt so guilty for giving her this "tool" to soothe herself and then ripping it away felt mean. So I've been resisting.
Then this weekend we went to the mall to let Stellanne play on the play toy in the a/c. And we met a little boy. His name was Tobias and he was not yet 20 months. Tobias could spell his name (TOBY) and tell you all the colors he could see. Frankley this kid was either a freak or made Stellanne look like a retard. She barely talks. And a lot of the time her talking is muttled by her bink. We ask her to take it out, but if she doesn't feel like taking it out, she doesn't. And at this play yard, she was the only kid with a bink. UGH. My sweet sweet baby is the exception. Also this weekend we had my sister over. Who told me about getting rid of binks with her kids. She has 2 girls that are about 18 months apart...I think. I'm probably wrong and she reads this and thinks I'm a terrible aunt. But without looking at their birthday years I can't do the calculations. Beyond me not doing the math correctly...she says it was about 24 to 48 hours of whining and then it was done. So as Toby is spelling his name for me (Stellanne will probably be about 10 before she can just say her name) I think; I could do 48 hours. 75% of the time would be at school or sleeping and I would just have to deal with crisis for 25% of 2 days. I can do it. So we do it.
Sunday night after shes gone to sleep I sneek into her room and take the 2 binks that are in her bed away. I cry as I throw them away. My tears are from deep within. I ache with pain thinking of her crying for her binks.
Monday morning she wakes and searches for the binks. I finally go into her room when she starts to wail...BINKIE!!!!! Normally at 5am she does a quick search for the binks; finds one and puts herself back to sleep. So at 5:15am I get up with her. I change her. And then we try to rock. She knows...She knows the binks are missing. I turn on the light to watch her poor little soul seek out the binks. She checks under the bed. She checks under the dresser. She searches through the blankets. I sit on the floor with her and cry with her. The binkies are gone. We head downstairs to do a search.....we look in all of the drawers in the kitchen, we search the counters, and table. Strangely...she starts to calm down. She is now hungry. So we eat breakfast.
My mom kindly takes over. They "work" with stickers until it is time to go to school. Luckily, she goes to school. 2 lucky things, really. #1, she's preoccupied. It's the reason she gets bored at home. The jump from one activity to the other. #2, it's not me having to deal with upset Stellanne while she's trying to go to bed.
Weirdly, she sleeps 2 hours (tops is normally 1.5 hours) I pick her up, she makes me do a search for her bink in her bin at school....no bink. We get to the car, we search for the bink...no bink. We go to Target. I buy her popcorn as a "treat" for being a big girl. We buy "lovey" to help her with the transition. Not that I think she thinks its a trade; but it is something to occupy her thoughts. As we're searching for a lovey, we find a glow worm. I buy it....this is amazing. This is the best thing ever. This will make her happy at bed time. A time when her teachers aren't there to help.
I make Lisa put her to bed. It's too much for me. She crys for 45 minutes.....35 minutes in Lisa's arms and about 10 alone.
I was scared for Tuesday. But Tuesday morning came and while we woke up early and did another search it wasn't as bad. She was adjusting well. Until my mom took her to school. She screamed the ENTIRE way there. It was so bad that when 4pm rolled around my mom daudled in going to pick her up. I offer to pick her up. I want to get a cold dessert (it is afterall the hottest time in Seattle EVER). When I get to school I ask cautiously...how was it. The teacher says...why, because of the heat? (and goes on to tell me that they keep them inside) no...because of her binkie. We've taken them away. Her teacher says...not a big deal. 95% of the time she was leaving them around the room. OH THANK HEAVENS. I haven't just scarred my child for life. she takes another 2 hour nap.....
So Tuesday night I put her to sleep. And I am so pleased with her snuggly-ness and change (no crying) I actually do a happy dance. I have not scarred her for life.
Wednesday morning (today) she woke up early. Due to a poppie diaper. So Lisa brings her to bed with us to snuggle. She is not interested. I offer to snuggle her in her room and she takes me up on the offer.
You have to know. I am not Stellanne's preferred parent. We'd like to think that kids don't have preferred parents; but they do. And I totally figured that I was screwed until Stellanne got a sibling. Lisa would be her favorite. They had that breast feeding bonding. But Stellanne wanted me. So I took her. I soaked in the love. She drifted off to sleep as we rocked in her room with her glow worm in toe. It made my day.
Tonight...same thing. We snuggled, glow worm in toe. I loved EVERY second of it. I'm not sure; but I attribute her connection to me to me crying on her floor with her. I was just as upset as she was that the binks were gone. She saw that.
She's a super smart kid. And she does talk a lot; but the bink did make it difficult. She was almost requiring full time use. I know it was the best thing for her; and should my friends be debating this issue. I just have these words of wisdom...it's only 48 hours. 2 days. You can do it. You may think it is going to hurt; but it will hurt you more than it will hurt them. And they won't care in 4 days....