Stellanne is a truely wonderful child. Last night I couldn't get enough of her and I just started kissing her. We were supposed to be snuggling to go to bed. But she wasn't really ready to just snuggle down and sleep so she was restless. So I gave up and just started to kiss her. She liked it....she just laid there and took every kiss that I gave her. I covered her face and head and neck and arms and she just sat there, sucking on her bink looking at me. It felt so wonderful to know that she loves me just as much as I love her. And to know that she enjoys getting kissed as much as I enjoy kissing her.
Today is her 9 month birthday. It's shocking to me that she has been here 9 months and also shocking at the same time that she's only been in my life for 9 months. I feel as if our life was drab before...What did I worry about before? My thoughts are consumed with thoughts of Stellanne. What is she doing right now? Is she giving my mom a run for her money? What will it be like in daycare for her? Should we feed her chicken tonight? What will we do if she decides that tonight she is big girl and doesn't want to eat baby food? Will we be able to feed her enough? Are the toys that we bought stimulating her mind enough? How do I keep her knees protected from rug burns?
Every thought is of her; and funny when people as me how I'm doing? The answer always contains a reference to Stellanne. I'm good, the baby is now sleeping through the night. I'm good...Stellanne gave me a kiss this morning. I'm jubilant, Stellanne learned how to wave goodbye. I'm confused, I'm not sure what to do about her bottom being so red. I'm excited, in 2 weeks we go on vacation and it will be Stellanne's first time at the ocean.
I also feel sorrow for people that either don't get the joy that I get from my child; or have no desire to have children. If only for one second I could show them how wonderful it is to be a parent. If only for one second I could show them that being a parent is not as burdensome as a nonparent might think.
I dread my show in October....not because it will be a week filled with grueling days; and nights that won't end at 5pm; but because for 1 week I won't be able to kiss Stellanne any time that I want. I won't be able to hear her laugh as I tickle her or coo as we snuggle. If only I could tuck her in my pocket and take her every where.